Writing rule number ten gave we folk over at Muni Etiquette HQ an epiphany. And that is- riding public transit is not all about you. Your personal need to get somewhere? Not that fucking important. Your desire to talk to people, listen to music, to eat? Super fucking unimportant, actually. Public transit is just that - it's for the PUBLIC. That union-man up front is not your personal driver, those flesh-eating bacteria ridden seats are not your personal property, and the people around you sure as hell are not your friends. So pull your head out of your ass and think about someone else for a change, would you? Which brings us to rule number 11, which really sums up rules number 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, and 10, not to mention all future rules:
11. Be considerate of others.
We like specific rules, as you may have noticed. But seriously. Stop obsessing about your tiny unimportant life for once and try to remember that you're on Muni with other people. Who don't need or want to know anything about you, or get any closer to you than they have to. This is deep, people. Like, cracking the code for making it to Bodhisattva in the next life, deep. And regardless of your religion du jour, we suggest you try it. A little consideration goes a long fucking way.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Rule # 10
You know what's worse than waiting for 25 minutes before your bus or train arrives and then having to squeeze into said vehicle along with the other 39530984503948 suckers waiting for transport, knowing that you are bound to get stuck in rush hour traffic if you are above ground or in the tunnel for an interminable wait due to some sort of inexplicable delay if you are below ground? Squeezing onto the vehicle and getting slammed into the knees of the lucky stiffs who managed to get a seat because the jerk behind you is taking up more than half of the aisle space.
10. Stand on your side of the aisle.
That means- don't grab the handlebar and then angle your ass so that it hangs into the other half of the fucking aisle. Or plant your feet waaaaaaaaaay over towards the seats on the opposite side. Unless there is a major obstacle preventing you from standing on one side of the aisle- DO IT. I should not be pressed up into the people in front of me just because you feel like having a little breathing space on your side, jerk. It's not all about you!
10. Stand on your side of the aisle.
That means- don't grab the handlebar and then angle your ass so that it hangs into the other half of the fucking aisle. Or plant your feet waaaaaaaaaay over towards the seats on the opposite side. Unless there is a major obstacle preventing you from standing on one side of the aisle- DO IT. I should not be pressed up into the people in front of me just because you feel like having a little breathing space on your side, jerk. It's not all about you!
Rule # 9
9. Give your seat up for pregnant women, disabled or old people.
It's common decency, people. Many a friend of Muni Etiquette HQ has told us a sorry tale of taking the bus or train in their third trimester and being forced to stand on their painful, swollen, pregnant ankles for the whole ride because some 25 year old asshat refused to give up his seat. And we've seen people blatantly ignore individuals with canes or on crutches and remain seated. Pigs. Be a decent human being and give up your fucking seat!
It's common decency, people. Many a friend of Muni Etiquette HQ has told us a sorry tale of taking the bus or train in their third trimester and being forced to stand on their painful, swollen, pregnant ankles for the whole ride because some 25 year old asshat refused to give up his seat. And we've seen people blatantly ignore individuals with canes or on crutches and remain seated. Pigs. Be a decent human being and give up your fucking seat!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Rule # 8
8. Keep your conversations as private as possible.
You just ran into an old college friend you haven't seen in years on the 71? Oh my god, what are the odds? No, don't tell me the odds, I don't fucking care. And spare us the details of that "cu-raaazy party" you threw in the quad your senior year. We don't give a shit. Of course you can talk- we aren't some kind of fascist dictatorship that doesn't believe in fun, please- just don't yell above the general din so that all of us are forced to listen to you.
You just ran into an old college friend you haven't seen in years on the 71? Oh my god, what are the odds? No, don't tell me the odds, I don't fucking care. And spare us the details of that "cu-raaazy party" you threw in the quad your senior year. We don't give a shit. Of course you can talk- we aren't some kind of fascist dictatorship that doesn't believe in fun, please- just don't yell above the general din so that all of us are forced to listen to you.
Rule # 7
Let's all remember, Muni is a public transportation method. Which means it is open to the public. Which means it is not your personal chariot to nowheresville. Why do I mention this?
7. Wear headphones if you are listening to music.
I don't care if your skinny jeans were painted on your ass by the newest jean designer to be deemed hip by the Mission masses, or if you are wearing a ripped Van Halen t-shirt you bought at Crossroads because "thrifting is cool." I don't even care if I *like* the song playing at the moment. You are not the official fucking Muni DJ. Put your headphones on and keep it to a reasonable decible. I should not feel the bass in my sternum. Did you pay my fare? No you fucking didn't. So don't dictate what I am going to listen to during this godforsaken ride.
7. Wear headphones if you are listening to music.
I don't care if your skinny jeans were painted on your ass by the newest jean designer to be deemed hip by the Mission masses, or if you are wearing a ripped Van Halen t-shirt you bought at Crossroads because "thrifting is cool." I don't even care if I *like* the song playing at the moment. You are not the official fucking Muni DJ. Put your headphones on and keep it to a reasonable decible. I should not feel the bass in my sternum. Did you pay my fare? No you fucking didn't. So don't dictate what I am going to listen to during this godforsaken ride.
Rule # 6
We're back to space, people. Because there is nothing more irritating than being on a crowded train or bus and realizing you would be significantly less crowded if the assholes around you followed this rule.
6. Sit down if a seat opens up.
You would think that this would be a no brainer, right? And yet people ignore this rule each and every day. A seat opens up and despite the fact that the train is packed and it's impossible to move, no one sits down. Don't feel guilty, fellow Muni passengers. You are actually doing us all a favor by taking a seat and moving the fuck out of the aisle. So sit the fuck down.
6. Sit down if a seat opens up.
You would think that this would be a no brainer, right? And yet people ignore this rule each and every day. A seat opens up and despite the fact that the train is packed and it's impossible to move, no one sits down. Don't feel guilty, fellow Muni passengers. You are actually doing us all a favor by taking a seat and moving the fuck out of the aisle. So sit the fuck down.
Rule # 5
While we are on the topic of personal hygiene, this seems like an appropriate point for rule number 5. This is a particularly upsetting rule, one that shouldn't have to exist. Why? Because really, it should go without saying.
5. Do not cut your finger or toenails on public transit.
Again, the fact that this has to be a stated rule is deeply upsetting, but the aforementioned abhorrent behavior has been witnessed by numerous folks affiliated with Muni Etiquette, so we have to put it out there. For reals. Cutting your nails in public is downright disgusting. Cutting them on public transit, where they may (indeed, are guaranteed to) fly into the face of the poor sucker sitting next to you, is seriously sick and twisted. Do that shit in your bathroom AT HOME. Not on Muni, you disgusting freak.
5. Do not cut your finger or toenails on public transit.
Again, the fact that this has to be a stated rule is deeply upsetting, but the aforementioned abhorrent behavior has been witnessed by numerous folks affiliated with Muni Etiquette, so we have to put it out there. For reals. Cutting your nails in public is downright disgusting. Cutting them on public transit, where they may (indeed, are guaranteed to) fly into the face of the poor sucker sitting next to you, is seriously sick and twisted. Do that shit in your bathroom AT HOME. Not on Muni, you disgusting freak.
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